Worst Decaorn Ever
by Ninja School Dropout
Summary: Mirage is caught in a sticky situation.


**A/N: I've been reading too much Deadpool…**

* * *

"I don't get it!" Flash slammed her fist against the table. The mech sitting across from her groaned. "How the slag am I supposed to get him to like me, if he doesn't even look my way?"

"You don't." He answered. "Geez. Every time we talk, you start yelling about that. Why don't you just deal with the fact, you're invisible to him."

Flash glared at the mech. "Shut up. Nobody asked you." She leaned back in her chair huffed. "Do you know how many times I've fallen flat on my face in front of him, hoping that one time he'd catch me, look deeply into my optics, and fall in love? FRAG IT!"

The mech groaned. "That's nice, but it would work a lot better if the mech you were after wasn't a Decepticon."

The femme stared at the mech and raised an optic ridge. "You're right. I should get shot, and then he'll realize that he can't live without me!" She jumped out of her chair nodded. "Despite what everybody says, Mirage, you _are_ smart."

Mirage watched the femme walk out of the room. "This is not going to end well."

* * *

Flash stomped into the room, a fresh weld evident on her chassis. "You fragging liar! It didn't work!"

Mirage groaned. "I could have told you that!"

"What kind of friend are you?"

"I'm not your friend!" Mirage growled.

The femme frowned. "Really?" She pulled a blaster out of her subspace at aimed it at Mirage's helm. "I could have sworn you were."

"Y-yeah. Definitely your friend."

Mirage sighed in relief as the femme subspaced the blaster and threw herself down on the chair. "That fragger ignored me. He ignored me. I got SHOT. And he IGNORED me."

"Maybe you should just give up on the slagger."

The femme smiled. "You're right! I should make him think I give up on him, and then try to make him jealous!"

"That's not what I me-"

"Nonsense! It'll definitely work!" The femme smiled as she stood up. "How could you doubt me, Buddy?" The femme walked out of the room.

"I'm not your buddy…"

* * *

Mirage sat quietly at the table waiting on the femme to return. No doubt it wouldn't take long. This had been going o-

"THAT WAS DISGUSTING!" Flash walked into the room wiping her mouth. "I can't believe I just did that! I told you it wouldn't work!"

"I let you know at the very beginning it was not a good idea." Mirage stared at the femme. "What did you do anyways?"

"Well, because you're my best friend, and I know I can trust you with anything, I tried to make him jealous by kissing one of his trine mates."

"Which one?"

"Skywarp." Flash glared at Mirage as she sat down. "It was disgusting! And the fragger crashed! He crashed! You'd think he wouldn't have minded getting kissed by a beautiful femme such as myself!"

Mirage held back a snort. Beautiful… sure…

"I can't believe this."

"How about you just tell him you like him?" Mirage asked.

The femme frowned. "What? Tell him?"

"Yes."

Flash stared at Mirage, and started nodding as the idea sank in. "You're right."

"Good, now, can you please remove these cuffs?" Mirage motioned to his servo that was chained to the table.

The femme laughed. "Oh Mirage, you're so funny! You're my prisoner. Why would I unchain you?"

Mirage groaned as the femme walked out of the room. "Where the frag is my rescue team?"

* * *

Mirage glared at the black and white mech that was now chained to the table next to him. "You're kidding me."

Flash stood in front of the table with a smile. "Mirage! I didn't know you invited your friends! I was on my way to tell Thundercracker how I felt and I saw him sneaking in! You should have told me, I would have went and got him for you!"

"I didn't invite him. I don't even like him at this point."

"Now, Raj, tha's kinda mean."

"Jazz, I hate you."

Flash smiled at the two. "Well, I'm off! Maybe I'll catch him by Mid orn refuel and we can have a nice date!" She let out a giggle as she walked out of the room.

Jazz glanced over to Mirage. "Who is she anyways?"

"Flash. She bumped into me while I was invisible."

"And ya didn't run?"

"Of course I ran. She tackled me. You'd think she wouldn't be able to track and invisible being, but she did."

Jazz snickered. "Serves ya right. Takin' this mission wit dat snotty attitude."

* * *

Jazz continued pulling at the chains that connected the stasis cuff around his wrist to the table's let. He'd been pulling at it for almost a joor. "Jazz, stop."

Jazz glanced over to Mirage and sighed. "So bored!"

"Have you tried picking the lock?"

"Ah have. Ah'm not an idiot." Jazz sighed.

"I'm back!" The femme slipped into the room.

"Ah see? Did it work out?"

Flash stopped where she stood. "No, I opted out of telling him, and decided to watch him instead! He's so adorable!"

Mirage sighed. "That's it! I'll give you any information you want! Just let me go!"

Jazz's helm snapped to the spy. "What? Ya crazy?"

"Information?" The femme's helm fell to the side. "What do you mean information?"

"Anything! I can't sit here anymore!"

The femme sat down. "I don't want information. You're my new friend! _You're never leaving. Either of you._"

"Fine! Then tell Megatron he won! I can't take this anymore!"

"Oh no." The femme shook her helm. "If Megatron finds out you two are here, he'll kill you. I can't have my two new friends killed, can I?"

"Kill me now."

The femme hissed as she pulled out a blaster. "You want to die? Well too bad!" She pointed it at Jazz's helm. "This attitude only started when he showed up! You're my best friend, and if this mech is what's making you act like a stranger then I'll take him out instead!"

"No!" Mirage jumped up. "Don't! I'm sorry. I was just… joking."

The femme smiled and started laughing. "OH! HA! Good one! You really had me going there!"

"Yah! Ha! Raj, the little jokester!" Jazz chuckled. ::Ya're dead when we get outta here.::

::I wish I was dead now.:: "Yeah." Mirage laughed.

"Well!" Flash leaned back in her chair. "What should we do now?"

"Ah know!" Jazz smiled. "We can play hide an' seek!"

The femme's optics lit up. "You're right! Just let me unlock your cuffs!" She jumped up and walked over to Jazz. Her smile quickly fell before she pulled the chair out from under him. Jazz hit the ground with a hiss. The femme crouched down and got in his face"You think I'm stupid?" She growled.

"It wa' worth a shot."

The doors opened and a certain Blue and white seeker walked in. "Hey, Flash..." He sighed. "Again? Really?"

Flash looked up at the mech and smiled. "Thundercracker!" She jumped up and hugged the mech. "Look! New friends!"

Thundercracker stared at the two, and let out a sigh. "More Autobots?"

Flash released the mech and looked down guiltily. "I know you told me not to go out and get them, but these two were already here!"

Thundercracker shook his helm. "Let them go."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't, I'll be forced to tell Megatron. I should have known from the bond you were up to something."

"You blocked it!"

"Because you kept slamming your face into the floor! I don't want to feel your helmache." Thundercracker glanced back at Mirage and Jazz. "Count yourselves lucky." He turned back to the femme. "If they're not gone by the time I get back, I'm taking them to Megatron."

* * *

Jazz and Mirage stared at Optimus as the big mech stared back. "And Thundercracker just let the two of you go?"

"Yes, sir." Mirage frowned.

Optimus sighed. "I see. Did you gain any intel?"

"No sir."

Optimus stared at Mirage. "You were there for a decaorn."

"I was cuffed to a table for a decaorn, trying to help a femme confess to her bond mate." Mirage answered.

Jazz snorted.

"Shut up, Jazz."


End file.
